home

i get reminded of how much different the world is out there through the little things

terribly hot and humid weather

tonnes of plastic bag given while grocery shopping

lots of leafy veggies

cod fish is not icelandic/ greenlandic cod fish

very bad english

singlish

getting called aunty

regardless, it's good to be home.

about greenland

greenland had been the most unexpected and unplanned trip of all and yet has been the most memorable one for me so far. i've had many "first"s there when it came to nature and animal spotting.

i never knew that it was closely tied to iceland nor that icelandic people have been setting up business in different parts of the town.

i've heard much about the alcoholism but did not witness it in the capitals nor the touristy towns. it was sad that there did not seem to be much successful locally runned business. if you were visiting the west coast of greenland, it was either blue ice cafe or narsaq hotel or some spanish youth hostel that stefan and his icelandic hotel friend did not seem to have a liking for.

i still feel bad that i technically didnt pay the full amount due to the confusion of the room assignment. i had initially asked for a shared room but because stefan requested for a room as i had to leave one day earlier, i was apparently given a private room that was twice or three times the price. 

i never knew what self subsistence farming meant till we watched fish tv on the first and subsequent days where a huge disturbance in the radar meant we would practically be fishing up a bucketful of cod. and the cod liver and cod fish cheeks were absolutely delish. and how a stefan, a reindeer farmer could cook cod so absolutely well that it was on our repeat request list. maybe cus icelandic people just cook fish well self subsistencealso meant tt we cld just hike out in the wild and grab a bunch of leaves and use them for tea, or hygiene sanitary products or even for cooking. angelica was heavily featured in our meals and i loved the herby taste of it, only to find out tt the chinese use the dried roots for soup aka dang gui. 

i learnt about icelandic fish sauce which comprised only of lots of butter and onions. the faroese people cooked it as well for the fried cod cheeks. MUCH CRAVINGS for the fish cheeks.

i also regret not joining stefan for his fisherman friend's birthday party which involved seagull eggs and lots of cakes.

the boat/cruise to illulisat was memorable. illulisat itself was a gem. it was bergs and whales, everywhere, everyday. and the absolute silence just a short walk out of the city centre is very healing.

fisherman leave their nets on random rocks where currents meet as there is where it has the highest concentration of fish - usually cod or char. i wldve thought things left in the wild meant anyone cldve taken it but everyone's honest enough not to. seems the same in the faroese too.

greenlanders also hunt for mink whales, seals and musks ox with no specific future planning in mind and this has caused the numbers of these animals in the wild to drop drastically. i'm not sure if it is because food is scarce and hunting is free. but it would seem like a better idea if they stuck to fishing instead of hunting recklessly.

anyway, enough of random listing of facts. terrible at writing stories. XD

love

i wanted to write a post about how love is a self constructed lie.

how we both probably are loving the lie of someone around, that we are afraid of being alone so we find someone to love

but today as we fought, and i cried, i stopped when i saw two cute figurines, i bought them for us, and then i continued to fight with u.

im still angry but i still love u and i still miss u.

maybe that is love.

How do you forgive

When we’re at the point where we had everything to lose
Time
We were running out of time
N yet the person u love chooses to throw the most valuable thing left between us all away

How do we forgive

Travel teaches tolerance

i've learnt 2 new words this week. niet and dah. i think it's russian. hahaha

i'm sitting here in my balcony staring at mount kazbegi with someone taking countless selfies on my right, kids screeching in the field in front of me and vacuum cleaning noises on my left. the grills on the balcony doesnt really help cus u dont feel cut off from the world, more like having a cell mate next to you.

suddenly missed my fullerton staycay alot. i think it was the best gift u've given me. =)

"Travel teaches tolerace"

That has been something on my mind recently. i've met terribly aggressive people who sends you weird fb messages and tries to hit on you, but i've also met people who are slightly strange but bothers you with their quirks. they claim they are spiritual, they make aunty jokes about your weight, or they insist that there is only 1 way to fold the sheets and go all "how could you not know cus EVERYBODY does it this way". and yet there are people who will still go hiking with them and still have fun. maybe they dont take everyone seriously. maybe they've met too many shit people to know that as long as u have a good heart, these little quirks doesnt matter. or maybe they're just lonely and need a buddy ie marriage of convenience.

i guess it's difficult to change who i am fundamentally, why suffer with someone whose quirks doesnt bring you joy. and then a few "friends" that u hate spending time with come to mind. but maybe in the working world, these skills would be much valuable. pretending that you like them, being more open minded, talking to people more and making an impression. not being afraid to owe favours like a beer, maybe it does get u somewhere :/

georgia tbilisi

2 days in im starting to get used to the weird and aggressive beggars around. the police presence still bothers me though.

i was pretty surprised tt quite a number of ppl donate to the beggars on the train. they go around screaming and shouting smthing in georgian and then walk through the train and people actually do give them coins. i've been alive for so long and i've barely given to people selling tissue :/ i dont know if this has anything to do with the guide saying that georgian people are a really hospitable bunch of people. but apparently, i've read that, and have the guide encourage us to knock on doors to go in and take photos in people's houses and get to know them. i still find this notion pretty strange.

e weather has been killing me really and going to a sulfur bath barely helps. would prolly try the thai massage tml since it's less than a minute's walk away. the eczema at my pits are killing meeeeeeeeeeee tooooo. 

looking forward to more good food tml =)

diary of a wimpy tummy

my stomach has been churning like a fking machine the whole day. LOL. oh god my life, my health. IT IS GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEe

boat rant

18 july 10:19AM cloudy skies, slightly choppy waves

So my first official day on the ferry/boat.  The sleep was not too bad but it would have been terrible for light sleepers. Countless people passing through the common corridors in the morning to make their way to the café, heavy thudding of engine noises, and bunk mates speaking to their family/friends.

My bed was pretty cosy with disposable bedsheets made of material that you wore for massage. I was half tempted to put it on my head but decided against it cus I still wanted to look local. the toilet was not bad, with GROHE taps! (very very uplifting to see them. LOL) with diaper changing area, and a shower area. I think my only gripe with the area is that the power plugs are shared so I would have to wait my turn to charge my stuff and it can get a lil stuffy on the boat so u see people walking around in shorts. The seas got pretty rough from the storm that caused the delay and my stomach feels abit queasy. I went up to the sun deck and the view was really good and got approached by the friendly ship mechanic who could speak abit of English but I was quite disturbed that when he laughed cus he kinda laughed very loudly in your face.

I am now back down at the café to eat my rice, egg and sardine despite a ppt sign on the TV that flashes for less than 5s amongst other things to not eat outside food in the café. I was about to leave when I saw an aunty with 3 kids in tow taking out a bunch on snacks n feasting on them so I didn’t feel that guilty.

There’s also entertainment on board but I couldn’t load the movie on my phone and there is a cinema as well but I’ve yet to watch it. Netflix is my life saver so far so I would ration my episodes wisely.

3.53pm

We reached the town of pammuit a while back. There was a guide that brought a group of tourist around and I tagged along halfway. It seemed like a pretty small town but with enough to have marine college and a church built like a norweigen church.

20 july 5.21pm café sarfaq waiting for dinner

Feeling extreme parched from the lamb soup. It was nice but after a while it was too salty for me.

We passed by kangaamiut where the guide explained about the life there and how some villages moved further to Maniitosoq (the 7am town  XD) but most chose to stay. It used to be one of the biggest villages of up to 500 but now that has been reduced to half. It is still a thriving (and rich) village with sports halls, a primary school and a grocery stall and the people here mostly work at the fish factory where in winter they would dry the cod fish on the racks but not in the summer where there were too many flies (I agree after the flies laid eggs on the smoked fish URGH). I managed to see how they lowered the speed boat to drive the villagers in because it was not possible the dock the ship at their habour. And there were some rude tourist that jusssssssstt had to lean their hands on the back of my chair while they listened to the guide. Screw off. Ok bye

I only found out when we arrived at sissimut that the guided tours are free. But I tagged along on half of them so yeah not too bad. We saw the Greenlandic dogs chained up in a field and they are mainly use in the winter (where they are well fed), so now they because they are pretty much useless, they are only fed once a month. like the dogs used for mushing, they looked semi wild, not the kind you would go and pet and because they are very famished, and are known to attack people, so kids who have brought along when the family is feeding them sometimes become part of their diet as well. The Greenlandic sleigh dogs are also kept a pure breed by not being allowed in any towns below the artic circle while any other kinds of dogs are not allowed up. So if a Greenlandic dog does make its way past, it’s not allowed up again. We also went to the old part of the town with the museums and the guide explained that the jaw bone of the whales are usually used as an entrance arc and is believed to bring good luck.

After we left sissimut, I also missed a whale sighting and a seal sighting but oh wells. Smtimes it’s just not meant to be so I’m really glad I saw the whale tail on the way to isortoq. But it wasn’t too bad because I started talking to my bunkmate and realised that she’s a teacher. And she showed me so many photos of her life in the town so it was very insightful. Apparently narwhales are common enough that it is hunted as a delicacy. Including the liver. Looks damn yum.

I think I’ve asked myself before what am I learning from all this, the long time away from home and family, not having income for a year. Mannijiat asked jokingly if I was running away from anything, I had half the mind to reply child bearing duties. But maybe it’s just me, I’m a huge believer of giving our lives a rest instead of just saying I’m so sick of this life or wondering what life would be out there. I take mc as compulsory rest breaks for myself and it definitely keeps me sane. The rat race for many is real and there was pressure to not quit my job. Many felt that I could’ve done it during my sch hols and it was made worse that I had a husband cus “what happens to ur husband?” I had found it extremely ridiculous n unnerving that people couldn’t see life beyond that paid job and 2 holidays and initially found Kannan to be a burden to making this happen. That I should need to break out of a comfort zone just for a holiday was incomprehensible to many but thankfully the people closest to me were also crazy as well. =) . Now, I’m just thankful that I have him cus I don’t think I would’ve survived this with anyone else.  The common consensus now amongst people is that Kannan is funding my travel overseas, which he gladly basks in the pride that his wife is a travelling tai tai. (payback for the engagement ring) Maybe I’m an extension of mum, the fact that she could travel alone from sg to Beijing and deal with potential flight delays and still not get stuck and even have the courage to fly to the states alone, that would’ve been a big deal for people of her generation.

kampong isotorq

the two day one night hike was crazy and totally worth it. everyone's been a lil bit looney and extremely patient and that has always been an inspiring, especially on hike when i just feel so terrible having people to wait or go the extra mile like wading back on the river just to get me across but it was great.

the glacier wall was very impressive and there were bits and pieces of ice bits calving into the water. we missed the big ones though. and maximus just went crazy with the rocks cus we were trying to pick some for ourselves, esp those gold ones. he ended up chasing after the artic hare n stefan promptly bellowed across the valley just to get him to come back.

it was my second time camping overnight, the first being in bukit lawang. it was similar. i couldnt sleep well and it got really cold in the night n i'm glad i didnt have to take a dump near the campsite like i did previously. n e campfire tt daniel set up was good for burning my toilet paper.

the hike next day was crazy cus we had to cross this wide river bed which was freezing and everyone got past it without any problems except for me. ginny had to carry my shoe n pull me over n she told me later that usually she would just scamper across n get herself wet cus she's nuts that way but she had to put on a guide face so we got across pretty dry. we chanced upon a herd of musk ox which thankfully ginny spotted early. wouldve really loved to get closer to them but they were a lil bit too aggressive for anyone's liking so we had to scale the steep slope next to it and then later scamper down a steep slope because we had to get to stefan's boat n the radio wasnt working.

i dont know how i'm going to rmb this hike n i had no big plans to hike in greenland initially but i'm glad i managed to hike n camp in greenland with the best guide and the best group of people =) there's all this talk abt global warming but it's ironic in a way that stefan doesnt really believe in it whereas the mongolian family is badly hit by the weather and the lack of grassland. maybe the earth has a way of regulating itself by cleaning out what she doesnt need n maybe by then, all of us will be gone.

Random

The wind is howling mad crazy outside n the skies and seas are different shades of blue and here i am, in a house in the middle of nowhere and everyone’s asleep. Im slowly getting used to this place, and i will definitely have my lil anxiety attack when i leave to be on the move again. I look forward to october where it will be so great to have u around again for two weeks. I haven exactly read any book proper so i should try downloading them at least before the 4 days of no internet

isortoq

there's 3 of us. and i feel utterly useless at times. and then now they discussed abt repainting the house.

maybe i'm a attention whore. maybe i'm just not used to not being able to do anything. but i guess i'm doing enough just for now. the dogs are wonderful. the two other people are nice. the british potential business partner and the finnish lady that got on my nerve for a while but after we talked about baking it was ok now. maybe it's just the perfectionist and her tone just pisses me off. first the bowls from the host house and den every other thing.

im actually quite proud of what i've done but i guess if i start comparing that's when i getting insecure. smoking fish, catching fish, painting and scraping walls. oh well. =) just need my inner peace. XD

narsarsuaq to narsaq n buying internet

20 June

Made coffee with milk and whipped cream!! Not hungry any more. LOL. And I bought the $20 data to call u and it was really worth it cus we talked for so long and I managed to see our home before I got cut off. =( so it’s $20 to feed the soul. And another $20 to buy the net cover for my face cus it’s just annoying meeeeeeee.

I wonder what makes the tourism in different locations work though. Does the theory work the same as how settlements arose as well? Location location location. Faroe islands have better infrastructure, flights come in often albeit in winter where it can get crazy. There is a good source of food and water. Similar to Iceland. But Iceland’s tourism was failing too, until the volcano erupted and reminded the world that such raw beauty exist. Maybe it’s about what’s not happening in the Greenland and the Faroe Islands. There is no major events that rocked the world, to remind the world that they exist.

narsarsuaq

19June

Narsarsuaq has been ok so far. i've been in my room for half of the day. well to my credit i did try to hike but the flies, mosquitoes and cramps really got to me so i gave up when i saw the glacier halfway thru. I was really glad I didn’t have to buy any food though. The supermarket didn’t really have anything legit cept for some greens. I guess I could’ve made something or had an excuse to go out for dinner at the hotel.

I did learn something new from one of the staff in the morning when the radio didn’t work after a while. She told me about the polar bear sightings nearby during winter and that yesterday when they were sailing they saw a whale breach. And how the Greenlandic language sounded like the inuits in Canada. And how those in the south east side of Greenland looked more Viking while the rest look Asian. In the meantime, I spent pretty much most of the day in the hostel watching shows n chilling out and playing the brainless hp game. I could’ve read abit but wasn’t really in the mood to continue, and I miss you a lot. Esp since I’m so used to having ard to hug me when I have cramps. The power of physical touch. Meh. I did have the thought of flying to Canada cause that’s where the closest family is. And I also had the thought of bringing the electric racket for the insects. I would’ve derived great satisfaction from using it. Im undecided if I should spend so much on data tomorrow though. In fact the host did say he had internet so prolly I should go with that.

it's not funny

i got really offended by this phrase when i was trying to fish for my tickets to board the airbus departing edinburgh.

apparently they use if often in a common conversation but i just find it highly offensive.

faroe islands has been a flurry of events almost every other day. besides the daily cleaning and organising. there were alot of first that were really unforgettable

helicopters, puffins, sleeping on a classic sail boat, have a very personal second hand experience of what whaling means to the faroese. n i still cant dance for nuts.

asians are rare here. and it's really nice to call home and speak normal and bitch/gossip about others. i had a very interesting talk with my shit japanese with a very very friendly and unjapanese guy who married and followed his wife here.

i've also have had to be partially responsible for feeding and cleaning animals, pet dogs and wild ducks and turtles that have been slightly forgotten because of their busy lifestyle.

the kindness of the people here have been really amazing. they are selfless and would go out to help even if it doesnt even benefit them. like driving us to effo when we were drenched and missed the bus, and having another successful hitchhike at effo to torshavn. but i've also wondered if the community is so tight knit, what happens to those that dont fit in? like the two couples who stayed on the island koltur and one had to move? what if i hate all this socialising and just want a time out? does everyone have a difficult time saying no or is socialising the only way up. which is technically how ours work now.

easter

easter

they said jesus died and was revived on the third day

well, i died and was revived the next day so it was not too bad.

i ate mammi, parsha, did a cruise back and forth to stockholm (tallink silja much better pls), had buffet dinners on both cruises, SAW CHERRY BLOSSOMS!!!, nearly missed my cruise cus i was taking more photos of the sakura, got shouted at and was feeling down, hiked at a national park and had a egg hunt, met a guy who just finished his meditation course telling me, the pain comes and goes, what u need to do is to acknowledge it, let it go, instd of denying it's existence and causing urself more pain from the rebound.

so yeah it was a good easter. =)

Meh

Been feeling abit fuzzy these few days.

So i made myself a list of things im thankful for today n i felt better.
1. Empty top bunks are the best
2. Empty cubicles are better but im nt sure if the 2 opposite bunks are coming back late at night again.
3. I had a good chicken curry dinner
4. I have a easter break at stockholm coming up!
5. Cruise means i get my own area!

I think i miss my bed alot. Even though i still knock out everyday. Having a partner really does calm ur nerves down alot n u wldnt worry abt the lil stuff at e end of e day.

I have been learning much abt the sch and im still in awe abt how ppl cld just uproot themselves n teaxh in anth sch in anth country.

N there’s this whole IB programme that makes me wonder why we didnt adopt it in our edu system.

Education Beliefs of the Finnish

i had an interesting chat with the principal at the common room today.
she talked about how increasing number of finnish parents are expecting their child to excel academically and go to prestigious jobs (sounds familiar) when there is a lack of people in vocational jobs. there seems to stigma for people going to vocational schools even though they may earn much more then teachers or other white collar jobs.  there is also this concern abt how there is a high rate of kids are going to high school, which i thought was a good thing but they actually saw beyond the statistics and pointed out the implication where there will be an imbalance of workers for more hands on jobs. so they would need foreign workers to come in, ie estonia to fill these gaps.

and then there are some finnish parents whos are getting their child to learn english and go to english stream classes. it does puzzle me though. if they are also given equal access to learning English in a finnish stream. why is there a shift in attitude towards finnish stream?or would they be facing the same problems like sg edu system is having with their kids now. generations of kids who see no relevance of their MT, where parents speak only English at home because of the prestige and the doors it can supposedly open. what is the relevance of having english as a main medium when everything is in Finnish? Is that pride or resistance to a more inclusive environment?

so the worry about foreigners taking their jobs is they cant be self sustainable as an economy? but isnt that what we are facing in Singapore. what we need, we import. need more talents for competitions? bring them in from china. so if we need workers, we import them from overseas, malaysia, Philippines or whoever that wants to come. but i felt this resistance amongst the teachers when they talked about foreign workers from estonia.  is there pride to be self sustainable? or is that their mindset towards life and towards the country?

You will never be completely at home again

last week i rekindled my love for solitude in ivalo and just yesterday, in the most unlikely place, i found the answer to all the questions of why i cant just follow tours or just go overseas with my partner or friends.

3 days into helsinki and i've met the most interesting people, had the most interesting of conversations that lasted for hours late into the night.

i met a divorcee taking a break from his wife in a hostel
one random lady told me out of goodwill and concern that finland has the best water in the world when she saw me buying 1.5l bottled water.
i met 2 au pairs, french, and spanish, one of them just came back from a mushing in lapland, writes books as a side line as has gotten 4 books published in her name already. we talked for about 2 hrs plus abt how she dressed up as a viking for a viking boat launch and how she was trying to find her way and her life goals despite the pressures she feels from society.

and there was also the tw retiree and her daughter who has visited sg a few times for APEC. we met once from mushing in lapland and of all places in helsinki in some atas coffee n cakes place.

the list goes on, and this is not inclusive of the lapland hotel owners, one who has met the king of belgium before.

maybe people try to reach out more when they are alone. as we wanderlust, some primal part of us still yearns for some sort of bond or stability. so we hold on to any kindness extended or a simple smile.

and here in our bunks, with our valuables locked in tiny lockers, we are vulnerable. we have nothing else to share but a common space, stories from our wanderlust and dreams and aspirations for the future. and as we shared little snippets and details of our lives,we exchanges contacts and promised to keep in touch and fell to sleep. this afternoon when i came back, the beds were empty once again. it was like yesterday's conversation never happened. i would prolly forget their names 1 week down the road. but their stories, i would never forget.

“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” 
― Miriam Adeney

so i guess this is my version of log cabin in e wilderness next to a lake and a forest. without the fishing or bonfire although i was given the option by the receptionist. very romantic.

currently i've been pretty unsuccessful at catching the aurora. i had all the right conditions yest but it was just cloudy and i couldnt stay awake past 2am. from pictures, i'd always had the impression that they would just appear once u had a high KP and clear skies but mother nature would let us have it easy. KP 5 with the right conditions, let me throw u a heavy cloud cover with snow while some lucky gal on fb caught her full blast aurora while touching down at keflavik airport. very depressing. so kp, solar wind speed, some negative ions thingy and good cloud cover.

the snow does make everything look clean and it's easier to think about life here than on the lake at pokahara in nepal where the fruit seller repeated offered me fruit while i was trying to have a zen moment.

have (a reindeer) heart and be brave.

so I think I had separation anxiety. cried a little, slept half the day away yesterday and felt so much better. I've been having nightmares though and the beds in Scandinavian countries are really terrible. soft beds and pillows are the worst. the best we had were in vogafjos cowshed hotel but the lamb was such a disappointment to my surname. so yeah. mehhh

I did manage to do mushing, best decision, even though we flew out of the sleigh. met this bunch of lovely ladies from the "tourism board" only to find out today that they work at SIIDA, the sami museum. we had a good laugh about the fact that I'm still alive so yeah. the 5 euros feed n photo of reindeers behind the museum were such a downer though. pfft

I do feel that my life after I've met a partner has hit a stagnant phase. I fuss more about my partner than myself. I don't reflect about what I could have done better as often and maybe I unknowingly take it out on my partner because he's always there to take the emotional blows. I do question his judgement instead of looking at my own. I've always felt like I was better. maybe now there's one person less to tell me what to do, I could think about how I could've done better without being demeaning. it was very strange though that e nightmares I had was all those latent anger that I felt about my in laws ever since the wedding.

I don't really know what to do with my life next. I have been thinking a lot of what has been said or done during the trip. I guess now's a good time to reflect and then work towards more self awareness before this trip ends. =)

2019 let's go.

im happy now. =)

just checked my 2012 bucket list. glad it hasnt changed much. these 2 items above have been the main reasons why i wanted a year break so badly. I do have another workaway coming up with these 2 educators on the faroe islands. hope all goes well.

it's not easy for me to be jobless, i realized. i put a lot of pressure on myself when i cant earn so the first 2 weeks of jan was tough. and then i got a text from my tuition kids whom i though werent gonna employ me anymore cus i wont be around. i ended up being a huang lian po of sorts, worrying about the house, find things to tidy, getting so hung up abt a messy house. maybe it's house pride. maybe i just didnt want to be a bad housewife.

i think everyone needs to take a break for a while, from work especially. i've been much happier not doing much, gaming, or just surfing my life away. i havent had the time to think about life though. i basically cant see beyond 2019 at this moment. work has taken up such a big part of our lives that we come home complete exhausted, mindless, and then waking up the next day and wishing for it to end again. maybe i should do this sabbatical every 10 to 15 years. save it for it. and then recharge.

i havent really thought about who i'm doing it for actually, maybe my dad, maybe evan, or maybe for a better me.