easter

easter

they said jesus died and was revived on the third day

well, i died and was revived the next day so it was not too bad.

i ate mammi, parsha, did a cruise back and forth to stockholm (tallink silja much better pls), had buffet dinners on both cruises, SAW CHERRY BLOSSOMS!!!, nearly missed my cruise cus i was taking more photos of the sakura, got shouted at and was feeling down, hiked at a national park and had a egg hunt, met a guy who just finished his meditation course telling me, the pain comes and goes, what u need to do is to acknowledge it, let it go, instd of denying it's existence and causing urself more pain from the rebound.

so yeah it was a good easter. =)

Meh

Been feeling abit fuzzy these few days.

So i made myself a list of things im thankful for today n i felt better.
1. Empty top bunks are the best
2. Empty cubicles are better but im nt sure if the 2 opposite bunks are coming back late at night again.
3. I had a good chicken curry dinner
4. I have a easter break at stockholm coming up!
5. Cruise means i get my own area!

I think i miss my bed alot. Even though i still knock out everyday. Having a partner really does calm ur nerves down alot n u wldnt worry abt the lil stuff at e end of e day.

I have been learning much abt the sch and im still in awe abt how ppl cld just uproot themselves n teaxh in anth sch in anth country.

N there’s this whole IB programme that makes me wonder why we didnt adopt it in our edu system.

Education Beliefs of the Finnish

i had an interesting chat with the principal at the common room today.
she talked about how increasing number of finnish parents are expecting their child to excel academically and go to prestigious jobs (sounds familiar) when there is a lack of people in vocational jobs. there seems to stigma for people going to vocational schools even though they may earn much more then teachers or other white collar jobs.  there is also this concern abt how there is a high rate of kids are going to high school, which i thought was a good thing but they actually saw beyond the statistics and pointed out the implication where there will be an imbalance of workers for more hands on jobs. so they would need foreign workers to come in, ie estonia to fill these gaps.

and then there are some finnish parents whos are getting their child to learn english and go to english stream classes. it does puzzle me though. if they are also given equal access to learning English in a finnish stream. why is there a shift in attitude towards finnish stream?or would they be facing the same problems like sg edu system is having with their kids now. generations of kids who see no relevance of their MT, where parents speak only English at home because of the prestige and the doors it can supposedly open. what is the relevance of having english as a main medium when everything is in Finnish? Is that pride or resistance to a more inclusive environment?

so the worry about foreigners taking their jobs is they cant be self sustainable as an economy? but isnt that what we are facing in Singapore. what we need, we import. need more talents for competitions? bring them in from china. so if we need workers, we import them from overseas, malaysia, Philippines or whoever that wants to come. but i felt this resistance amongst the teachers when they talked about foreign workers from estonia.  is there pride to be self sustainable? or is that their mindset towards life and towards the country?

You will never be completely at home again

last week i rekindled my love for solitude in ivalo and just yesterday, in the most unlikely place, i found the answer to all the questions of why i cant just follow tours or just go overseas with my partner or friends.

3 days into helsinki and i've met the most interesting people, had the most interesting of conversations that lasted for hours late into the night.

i met a divorcee taking a break from his wife in a hostel
one random lady told me out of goodwill and concern that finland has the best water in the world when she saw me buying 1.5l bottled water.
i met 2 au pairs, french, and spanish, one of them just came back from a mushing in lapland, writes books as a side line as has gotten 4 books published in her name already. we talked for about 2 hrs plus abt how she dressed up as a viking for a viking boat launch and how she was trying to find her way and her life goals despite the pressures she feels from society.

and there was also the tw retiree and her daughter who has visited sg a few times for APEC. we met once from mushing in lapland and of all places in helsinki in some atas coffee n cakes place.

the list goes on, and this is not inclusive of the lapland hotel owners, one who has met the king of belgium before.

maybe people try to reach out more when they are alone. as we wanderlust, some primal part of us still yearns for some sort of bond or stability. so we hold on to any kindness extended or a simple smile.

and here in our bunks, with our valuables locked in tiny lockers, we are vulnerable. we have nothing else to share but a common space, stories from our wanderlust and dreams and aspirations for the future. and as we shared little snippets and details of our lives,we exchanges contacts and promised to keep in touch and fell to sleep. this afternoon when i came back, the beds were empty once again. it was like yesterday's conversation never happened. i would prolly forget their names 1 week down the road. but their stories, i would never forget.

“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” 
― Miriam Adeney

so i guess this is my version of log cabin in e wilderness next to a lake and a forest. without the fishing or bonfire although i was given the option by the receptionist. very romantic.

currently i've been pretty unsuccessful at catching the aurora. i had all the right conditions yest but it was just cloudy and i couldnt stay awake past 2am. from pictures, i'd always had the impression that they would just appear once u had a high KP and clear skies but mother nature would let us have it easy. KP 5 with the right conditions, let me throw u a heavy cloud cover with snow while some lucky gal on fb caught her full blast aurora while touching down at keflavik airport. very depressing. so kp, solar wind speed, some negative ions thingy and good cloud cover.

the snow does make everything look clean and it's easier to think about life here than on the lake at pokahara in nepal where the fruit seller repeated offered me fruit while i was trying to have a zen moment.

have (a reindeer) heart and be brave.

so I think I had separation anxiety. cried a little, slept half the day away yesterday and felt so much better. I've been having nightmares though and the beds in Scandinavian countries are really terrible. soft beds and pillows are the worst. the best we had were in vogafjos cowshed hotel but the lamb was such a disappointment to my surname. so yeah. mehhh

I did manage to do mushing, best decision, even though we flew out of the sleigh. met this bunch of lovely ladies from the "tourism board" only to find out today that they work at SIIDA, the sami museum. we had a good laugh about the fact that I'm still alive so yeah. the 5 euros feed n photo of reindeers behind the museum were such a downer though. pfft

I do feel that my life after I've met a partner has hit a stagnant phase. I fuss more about my partner than myself. I don't reflect about what I could have done better as often and maybe I unknowingly take it out on my partner because he's always there to take the emotional blows. I do question his judgement instead of looking at my own. I've always felt like I was better. maybe now there's one person less to tell me what to do, I could think about how I could've done better without being demeaning. it was very strange though that e nightmares I had was all those latent anger that I felt about my in laws ever since the wedding.

I don't really know what to do with my life next. I have been thinking a lot of what has been said or done during the trip. I guess now's a good time to reflect and then work towards more self awareness before this trip ends. =)